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she's the chemical comfort that only gets you so far [entries|friends|calendar]
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[Thursday
January 31st, 2008
3:04pm
]

If my F.r.i.e.n.d.s. O.n.l.y knew
READ (9) CMNT

[Tuesday
February 28th, 2006
7:34pm
]
my new screen name is now way_ward_child
READ (0) CMNT

[Thursday
July 21st, 2005
3:10am
]
ummm I think my cousin stubled across this journal so I'm leaving it my new s/n is ___she___speaks add me ,I'll add everyone who had me added right now on that name otherwise comment on that journal to be added did that make since?
READ (0) CMNT

[Tuesday
July 19th, 2005
10:14pm
]
Living has become such a bore,a task,an obligation-address it however you please,I need a break from life though I'm not sure how to go about taking one,well as far as living is concerned I have already taken a "break",life is really my problem,breathing,eating,sleeping,just obtaining my own life,I don't think I'm qualified for this job anymore
READ (3) CMNT

home sweet home [Thursday
July 7th, 2005
10:38pm
]
I need new friends the ones I have (for lack of better words) SUCK. lol like I doubt they know I'm not home ,mainly because I never take theirs calls or want to hang out anyway,so they don't even notice ,how pithetic. alex cannot but should call me,cuz I'm bored, I can't stop binging, can't wait to finally be home tomarrow,away from food an binge eating everyday, It taking soo much not to purge right now.ugh. I won't "become" bulimic,and I can't eat normally,its all or nothing-so from now on,its nothing.75ibs is such a f-cking beautiful number.I bet I'm up to 86 AGAIN,anyway w/e I'm going to go pass out.my cousin keeps trying to read what I'm typing.and knows I'm trying to lose weight (or suspects I am) and was like "oh yeah all twenty pounds of you" or something to that effect.idiots.can't wait till I'm home.


night <33
READ (1) CMNT

qick update [Thursday
July 7th, 2005
5:11pm
]
Yet again another rushed update. Just returned to my aunts house after shopping,the tv is filled with terrorist alerts ,apparently miami is amoung the top five citys to be attacked aince the whole london incdent,ontop of that now their are hurricane warnings (its already at a catogry three) and their evacuating tourist and stuff.I ate so much today,well actually not as much as my usal binges-mainly because I've devolped this habit,I have to rip up a dollar for every bite I take,so like 50 bucks per candy bar makes me avoid them .Thats about it I'll be returning home early to mid-afternoon on friday.I'm also going to start running like 3 to four miles a day each morning and maybe join a gym plus use my tredmil,hopefully I can reach my goal weight,and learn a bit of self contol.
READ (5) CMNT

[Wednesday
July 6th, 2005
4:24pm
]
blah blah blah ,call my cell if you need me cause I'm to lazy to cak\ll you (aka ash.& arron) other wise I wont be back home until the 8th


kthanxbye.


xoxox
READ (0) CMNT

[Friday
July 1st, 2005
1:21am
]
out of town. I should be back by june 7th
Leaving this afternoon so I won't be updating/commenting hope everyone has great fourth of july !! Don't unadd me. And for those of you who this apply's to

title or description

join <33.


xox
READ (0) CMNT

[Sunday
June 26th, 2005
7:52pm
]
title or description
READ (5) CMNT

[Saturday
June 25th, 2005
4:21pm
]
[ mood | anxious ]

I'll love you forever if you just sign it.


http://www.moveon.org/publicbroadcasting/?t=1

READ (0) CMNT

[Friday
June 24th, 2005
1:32pm
]
[ mood | content ]

hvmmmmCollapse )
stolen from silentdreamsend

READ (4) CMNT

[Wednesday
June 22nd, 2005
5:45pm
]
so i'm just a medicine
you take when you're sick
you get well and that's it
i'm put back ...














but you should know by now boy,
this chemical comfort only gets you so far

♥ I'm in need of a dieting buddy.
READ (2) CMNT

[Saturday
June 18th, 2005
10:59pm
]
So I was wrong. I use to always have to binge to keep my bmi up at 18.8, to get it back there I'd have to be 99 f*cking pounds.I can't imagine being that much ,eating normally or "healthy" still 2,500 cals a day it would be like 94 pounds,not that huge od a diffrence,so I'm basically 10-15 pounds under an "acceptable weight" & my goal weight is like going to get me in huge trouble because the doctors flip when I get in the high 70's and I want to weight 70 at the most,69 is the perfect number though-.ugh. I'd be willing to give sum ppl on here my cell # if you'd want,cuz I'm always bored.ugh I sound like a five year old.um yup just I.M me at SuchAnObligation ,none of my friends have called me-I was suppose to go out with em this weekend but nope that would mean eating,which i f*cking ended up doing anyway.ugh AND alex hasn't called.pssht.
READ (2) CMNT

[Saturday
June 18th, 2005
9:46pm
]
READ (0) CMNT

[Saturday
June 18th, 2005
4:00pm
]
[ mood | curious ]

http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/index.php/Thinspiration

heh made me laugh (see mark-kate side note)


our banner is on here ?! wtf lmao.....

http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/index.php/Pro-ana

READ (5) CMNT

[Saturday
June 18th, 2005
1:46am
]
[ mood | crappy ]

Thats it.I'm done.I'm done being fat.I'm fucking done I've made no progress. I don't care if you tell my parents. if I'm ruining my last chance.fuck you,and your "chances" fuck you,your threat,the mental hospital,therapy,inpatient,fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.got it? I'm fucking immature pissed,moody,out of my fucking mind,call it what you want.The only real problem I've got is fat,and I'm done.done being fat.done shoving calories down my thraot,done binging.69 IS STILL MY GOAL WEIGHT,yeah I did lie.and no I don't care.I don't know wtf my hieght is I doubt the nurse is measuring me right,everyone thinks I'm 5'2, but to be safe I'm sticking with 5'1-and eight four pounds.I'm not eating anymore,and when I do its only going to be salad,or grapes or something.84 pounds? what is that?! thats only like 10ibs away from my normal weight aka lard ass.I can't do anything right,but I can do this much.I mean how fucking hard is it to not shove a crepe or something down your thraot?and then to have everyone constantly encouraging me to do this,fuccccckkkkk you.


I'm.so fucking over it.69 ibs s still fat.but at least I'll be thin,and out of this horrid body.ugh.fuck.

READ (0) CMNT

[Thursday
June 16th, 2005
10:51pm
]
dissociative disorder or anorexia?

So ,I've quite a collection of mental disorders but my therapist who is completely ignorant (along with everyone else) to my eating disorder insist I have like a dissociative personality,he knows (somewhat) that I've cut my self (he doesn't know a did it several times a day) he knows I would rip my hair out hit myself,punch myself ect. none the less in my previous sessions I've told him about this voice,constantly bashing and belittling me-and the way I just adore it,knowing I deserve each blow.The way I could be sitting there,conversing with a friend-and suddenly it creeps up on me slowly picking at my thoughts,until I cannot hear whats going on,or feel my body and I'm trapped with echoing thoughts like "oh you know they cannot stand you,no one can" and things of that nature,it sounds like it could be dissociative personality disorder-but it all began shortly after developing my eating disorder.


heh my layout is all blinking and sh*t
READ (0) CMNT

[Thursday
June 16th, 2005
2:14am
]
[ mood | contemplative ]

listen up

so if you want me to make an effort to read//comment on your journal more.comment here.and I will.its just hard for me to know who updating ect a lot of people are inactive ect ect.

volunteer work tomorrow,in an office on the beach.mmhmm.great "thinsperation" knowing I feel too fat to wear a bikni.

down to eighty four pounds.

READ (10) CMNT

[Tuesday
June 14th, 2005
9:44pm
]
[ mood | accomplished ]

Sugar, Oh, Honey Honey. You are my candy girl,
... Oh, Sugar, Sugar. You are my candy girl && you got me wanting you


I finished my layout reminds me of cotton candy.. I'd like to try and put that song on here I think it'd go perfect plus it makes me smile.thanks to silentdreamsend for making me that banner by the way. la la la ect.ect. I'm considering taking up smoking.

READ (6) CMNT

[Sunday
June 12th, 2005
11:19pm
]
oh man
5'1 ,80 pounds. fucking gross !!!
alex pissed me off last night. I haven't left the house in two fucking days.
watched girl interrupted today.love that movie.
my goal weight's only 11 pounds away.
I haven't cut or anything in so god damn long but I'm not sure how long I can keep it up.
keep fucking twitching!!!!!!argh


69 its such a perfect number &holds so much potential for happiness & its only 11 pound of fat keeping me from my own little utopia.
READ (0) CMNT

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